I've waited, hoped and prayed I would be doing this post one day. Hason's birth was the most amazing thing I've ever done and will probably ever do in my whole life : ) I've had a lot of anxiety about this post cause I have no idea how I'm supposed to put into words what this day, the people there and that moment meant to me.
It changed my life.
Here I am...Headed out the door to the Hospital at 4 am. After 26 hours of labor.
In the Brielle picture that's how I really felt..happy not in much pain but my contractions were happening close and that's when they told me to go in.
The Hason picture...is a bunch of bull lol, I just came out of a huge contraction, I was in so much pain, my doula laughed when I got up and smiled for the camera...she said I was such a faker haha, and I was but I really wanted a picture before we left since I took one with Brielle. Look how saggy my belly is! Was that cause he was so much lower or just gravity...would it be at my mid thigh next time if we decided to have another? lol!
I always posted my month to month belly pics on myspace (yes myspace) with Brielle but I didn't post this last one, didn't want to scare people or force anyone to see something they didn't want to see haha, so I'm happy to have my blog to document everything, read at your own risk :)
With Brielle I gained 47lbs.......With Hason 45lbs.....So it would have been the exact same amount I'm sure if I would have made it another week. I can't catch a break...gained the same amount of weight with both kids and my stinkin labor was 2 hours longer with Hason. Nobody would have guessed that. Everyone even myself said it wouldn't be as long as hers. She was 35 hours, Hase 37.
It changed my life.
In the Brielle picture that's how I really felt..happy not in much pain but my contractions were happening close and that's when they told me to go in.
The Hason picture...is a bunch of bull lol, I just came out of a huge contraction, I was in so much pain, my doula laughed when I got up and smiled for the camera...she said I was such a faker haha, and I was but I really wanted a picture before we left since I took one with Brielle. Look how saggy my belly is! Was that cause he was so much lower or just gravity...would it be at my mid thigh next time if we decided to have another? lol!
I always posted my month to month belly pics on myspace (yes myspace) with Brielle but I didn't post this last one, didn't want to scare people or force anyone to see something they didn't want to see haha, so I'm happy to have my blog to document everything, read at your own risk :)
With Brielle I gained 47lbs.......With Hason 45lbs.....So it would have been the exact same amount I'm sure if I would have made it another week. I can't catch a break...gained the same amount of weight with both kids and my stinkin labor was 2 hours longer with Hason. Nobody would have guessed that. Everyone even myself said it wouldn't be as long as hers. She was 35 hours, Hase 37.
We made it....The hospital was a 30 minute drive and the Lord was good to me...all day I was having two types of contractions...one that hurt extremely bad and one that made me want to smash my head against the wall cause that would have felt like bliss. I prayed I didn't have the later of the two while in the car. Lindsey rode with us to help me deal with the contractions, I only had 3 on the way there and none were the really bad ones, thank you Jesus!
My goal was a Vbac....I would have liked to have done it natural but that wasn't my biggest concern. We got to the hospital and I was in pain and tired. I wanted to enjoy the end result and not run out of energy and live in fear of what might happen if I didn't get an epidural. I cried cause I wanted one but didn't want it to hinder my vbac. Dr. Cummings came in and I asked him if it would decrease my chances and he said it would not so I felt ok caving and having it done. I had full and complete trust in that man! I had the BEST anesthesiologist!!! The reason I say that is because I could still feel my legs through the whole process and with help I could stand up! Can you believe that, even my doula and nurses were blown away!
I could still feel some contractions here and there.
I loved that, I hated being totally numb with Brielle.
Here we are discussing me getting an epi...I know the nurses and my doula didn't want me to, they knew I could do it without one...I knew that too, just didn't want to anymore. It was strange having nurses pushing me in the other direction rather than wanting me to get the pain meds. I was dilated to a 6 by then so I was happy to have made it that far. On a side note, the labor and delivery department at my hospital had their own anesthesiologist who was always on the floor at all times if we needed him, how nice was that!
Where would I be without Landon, he is my world.
What a nurse helping me out!? This didn't happen with my first birth!
I wish I would have gotten pictures of all my nurses. I had 3 total because of shift change and one was in training. Since I was a vbac patient those nurses were specifically assigned to me and only me which was awesome. They were all soooo incredibly sweet, they genuinely cared for me and were so excited and happy to be involved in my journey and this special day!! Landon made sure to write down all their names so we could send thank you cards and give them some acknowledgement!
They surely deserve it!
This nurse even hunted me down the next day to congratulate me since she went home at 7 that morning and wasn't there for the birth. That meant so much to me! I felt so cared for!
The minute Dr. Cummings stepped in to the room I lost it...everyone was worried "Diana, what's wrong, you ok?" I was just overwhelmed with gratitude for this man. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found him and moved to Dallas so close to where he practices. I KNOW this was one of the main reasons God put us here. People drive from all over to birth with him. (one of the nurses told me they had a lady come from California in her last trimester to be his patient and birth with him..so there isn't anyone with his amount expertise in between here and there?!) He is the best in his field and one of the only Dr's that will actually give a C-sectioned mom or a multiples mom a fighting chance, a REAL HONEST to goodness not lying to you fighting chance to have a vaginal birth! If you ended up with a c section from this man you would know 100% it was for medical reasons and absolutely necessary...you would have no regrets!
I wasn't gonna post this picture...I mean have you ever seen an uglier crying face...It's soooo embarrassing!!! But it's part of my story so it's in here...it's ok, you can go ahead and laugh.
I just cried and told him how much he meant to Landon and I and thanked him over and over for giving me a chance, a gift and having faith that I could do what God designed me to do.
ok so maybe there's one person with an uglier crying face than me....
Now that I look at it I'm afraid we might be tied lol!
This man gave me a rare gift, I will cherish that and hold him dear to my heart for the rest of my life!
God bless Dr. Cummimgs. I love this man so much, I will forever be thankful for him.
Here I am draped over the bed after the epidural cause I was still able to move!
They kept moving me to all sorts of different positions to get baby to drop even further and move the process along without the medical interventions. Look at my sweet Dr. helping me as well. The nurses came in and said that he wanted to start me on a low dose of Pitocin. Well Pitocin makes me nervous so I asked it they would check me again and then ask him if I could skip it. I had progressed a little more so he said I didn't have to have it...I was so glad, no pit for me!
Brielle was positioned a bit wrong but that's cause they had me in that bed the whole time in pretty much the same position...and they had me pushing way too soon as opposed to waiting for her to drop some. The Dr. also told me she was probably too big and I was too small to push her out.
Brielle weighed 7lbs 15oz
Hason weighed 8lbs 10oz
I showed them.
If a Dr. ever says they want to induce because baby may be big...that's a red flag, they already have a csection on the brain.
Breathing in my essential oils my doula brought for me...I loved every scent.
Now what can I say about that husband of mine. I am more than blessed to be married to that man and to have his support through all of this. I know of women wanting to attempt vbacs who's family and husbands are opposed to it. How difficult it must be to not have a husband that is on board or supportive of something so important. I couldn't imagine not having Landon cheering me on and being there for me every step of the way. He saw first hand the physical and mostly emotional pain, the anger, the regrets and guilt I carried with me from my first birth. I couldn't imagine having a husband who didn't feel for me in those times and who would minimize those feelings.
He wanted this as badly as I did, he loved Dr. Cummings and had so much peace with him the way I did. He felt cheated by the hospital system the first time like I did. He will never know how much it meant to me to have had him completely on my side me... what it meant to me that he felt the pain that I felt. He did everything in his power to make sure this happened for us. He spent money on everything he could to up our chances at a vaginal birth. I am forever thankful for my husband and his unconditional love for me, he shows me everyday what true love looks like. I've always said he's my dream come true. Because of him all my other dreams have also come true.
Everyday I am so proud to be the wife of such a good hearted, funny, strong, Christian, hard working, super good looking, loving, smart man!
He is the deepest love in my heart and the greatest blessing I will ever have in this life. There's no greater man, our kids are so blessed.
Can you tell I'm feeling so much better : )
The nurses were incredibly happy with Hason! He did so well and responded really good to any and every position they put me in. They kept saying "oh the baby likes that" haha.
Then the back pain crept in. My back muscles started to spasm and wouldn't release. It was horrible!!! They massaged me and did warm compresses that hardly helped. It was above my epidural line so there was no numbing the pain from the epidural. I'm not sure how long I went on like this but it felt like forever! The pain was so bad it cause me to throw up a couple times.
I loved the sign in our room and the Big "VBAC and WELCOME BABY HASON" written on it!
I kept seeing VBAC and it got me all excited and pumped up!
I was still in pain but got to a place where I could focus, where I was quiet and everyone else was quiet and I just sat there trying not to move or think about the pain. I had the silliest song in my head but it kept my mind off of everything. I didn't tell anyone what I was thinking cause I felt stupid haha...it's a song from one of Brielle's cds we listen to in the car. I kept repeating it over and over......
I am a C
I am a C-H
I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N
and I have C-H-R-I-S-T in my H-E-A-R-T
and I will L-O-V-E love him
all the T-I-M-E time.
Funny huh...I like that song though and it wasn't one I ever sang growing up. It was a good song to have stuck in my head cause I had to really concentrate to not misspell any of the words HA!
Eventually they had the anesthesiologist come back in and she gave me a shot of something in my back and it took the pain away...Thank goodness!
I was getting closer to pushing time and I didn't want to look awful in pictures of course. I had obviously not noticed my photographer taking all the previous photos ha.
Lindsay wanted to look pretty too! It was a fun moment in my labor where all us girls, my nurses, photographer Bethani and doula were just talking and laughing and having a little girl time! How fun is that!
Poor Landon, I'm sure he was thinking good Lord, I didn't know this was gonna turn into a girly sleepover haha.
It was sooo neat to feel Hason drop down towards the end. I never felt a thing with Brielle. They kept telling me it would feel like I'd have to go to the bathroom and it did. I would feel him move down and a lot pressure down there....then it would go away...then come back with every contraction till the end when I felt it and it didn't go away. That was soooo cool! I got to the point where I was completely effaced and dilated to a 10 but they didn't want me to push they wanted me to "labor down" Which meant letting my body do the pushing for me so I wouldn't get tired doing it all myself when the time came.
When I started pushing Dr. C asked if I wanted a mirror...I said yes. I was a little worried at what I may see but so happy I chose to have the mirror there. After a few times of pushing we could see Hason's hair and the top of his head... Dr. C asked if I wanted to touch it and of course I did and Landon did to...such a surreal moment!
My contractions spaced quite a bit during the pushing process, maybe like 5 or more minutes apart. So we just chatted in between and Cummings would just laugh and joke and tell stories. I don't remember anything he talked about of course but Landon and I thought it was so funny how he was so not serious and laid back in that moment. Until it was time to push again...then he was all sorts of serious haha. Oh I love him!
Halfway through pushing Dr Cummings said "you're gonna push this baby out, You're getting your VBAC!"
Landon and I could hardly stop crying from the sound of those words! I never doubted that I would...all through pregnancy I kept asking Landon if I was setting myself up for disappointment and if I was being completely unrealistic about this. My Dr. just gave me such confidence from the beginning that I felt in my heart of hearts it was going to happen!
My brother in law Colt is in the Army and unfortunately been deployed again, this time to Africa. We miss him dearly when he's gone and my heart hurts for my sister but we are happy he is in a safer place this time around. We are so proud of him! Anyways...this is what he put on my facebook page...just made my day when I read it.....
COLT: "I gave an african shaman 5 bucks, some camel cigs, and a bottle of water yesterday after Kasey told me you went into labor, so that he would do a spiritual song and dance to make sure everything went all right with the delivery. I guess he produced, and although I can't take full credit I'm doing what I can over here ; ) lol. Congratulations. Miss ya'll. Can't wait to meet him. Love ya'll."
Isn't that sweet, Love him!
Little did we know...10 more minutes....
What I'm about to type is TMI so move on if you don't like gross things ha.
We had a funny moment during pushing, I don't remember when exactly but at one point amniotic fluid came spraying out and got all over my Dr, Landon and my doula lol!!! Everyone just laughed and brushed it off except for Lindsay...she ran to the sink to wash herself off. You can't tell me I'm the first who's done that to you Linds! Come on, how many births have you done? I'm glad my husband isn't weak stomached and can take that stuff in stride lol. Embarrassed? I was trying to push out a baby, Ain't nobody got time to be embarrassed!
This was it, this was my moment, the moment I had dreamed about and cried about and felt so robbed of for almost 4 years.
My beautiful healing baby......this birth healed his mommas heart!
There are no words to describe what this picture means to me!
I gasp and cried and just stared the first time I saw this photo, my heart is full.
This was my VBAC moment!!! I DID IT!!!
Look how gently he pulled him out.
I was surprised at first that Bethani didn't get a picture of them laying Hason on my belly until I saw this photo. It's like at a wedding...you don't want to capture the brides reaction or anyone else for that matter when she first enters the room...you want to see how the groom reacts. It's my favorite thing...I love to watch the face of the groom when he first sees his bride.
Well that's what Bethani was trying to do...she wanted to capture dads reaction to seeing his son born and I love it. Landon doesn't so much cause he thinks he looks a little silly but it's how he felt...he wanted to cry and laugh all at the same time. God is sooo good! I'm so happy she captured this moment.
Wow I did it. That's all I kept saying. I pushed him out in 27 minutes. His little head looked really good cause he wasn't in the birth canal that long. Hason came out a bit purple but after a couple of seconds there was no doubt that boys lungs were developed like a two year olds, not a two week early baby. That boy can cry and cry loud he did! I was a bit surprised that when they laid him on my chest he didn't immediately calm down at the sound of his mommas voice or touch of my skin. Isn't that what happens on the baby story and in the movies lol!
We left his cord in place until it stopped pulsing and then Landon got to cut it. Another special moment we didn't get the first time around but should have.
Elated with joy!
Our hearts were so full! Still can't believe this happened. Still can't believe I did it. I want to relive that day and moment over and over and over agian! It was soooo fun! So freeing!
They let him lay on me as long as I wanted. I got to nurse him and get acquainted.
I was extremely excited to nurse again!
After a while they took him for his weight and height.
Since he was two weeks early (no the due date wasn't off, I was tracking every bit of it so I know 100% his due date was July 18th) none of us guessed he'd be so huge!!! We just laughed, could not believe it..Can you imagine if he was on time! AHHH!
Landon guessed 7lbs 10oz
I guessed 7lbs 11oz
Lindsays guessed 6lbs something
Sweet Hason Louis Gann
Born July 5th 2013 at 2:47pm
8lbs 10oz
20 1/2 inches long
He was the same length as Brielle
Proud daddy holding his son for the first time.
My nurses brought us ice cream to celebrate Hason's birthday!
My wonderful Doula Lindsay, Thank God for her!
. We couldn't have been happier. It was such a marvelous day. Absolutely marvelous, I am still in awe.
I DID IT!!!!!!!
Thank you Jesus for so sweetly answering our prayers.
So while I was reading this post, I thought of like 10 comments to leave. But, all I can say is God is good all the time! (And.... I love me a good ugly cry face! Hahahahaha)
ReplyDeleteYou exactly right! I'm glad my cry face could brighten your day lol!
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