Thursday, January 16, 2014

Happy Half Birthday Hason!

I have to interrupt my Christmas post for an update...
Happy Half Birthday to my one and only baby boy!

It has flown by and drug on at the same time, we are finally over the super hard part! We've made it!  I struggled with post partum depression with Brielle till she turned about 5 months old. I didn't think I would this time around since I did a couple things different to try to prevent it.  It still crept up on me, instead of it seeming to get better like it did with her I was just getting worse.  I gave in and started taking medicine when he turned about 5 months old, I so wish I would have started sooner so that I didn't suffer so much but I was also worried about his intake of it since I was nursing. Sometimes as a mommy you sacrifice big things because you love your little's so much.  Well go figure 3 weeks later I stared to feel so much better, and it wasn't just because of the meds...I know me and it was me coming outta it.   I stopped taking them and I've been as happy as a clown and back to my old self again.  I sure did miss me!  I don't know why I struggle so much in the newborn stage but I do.  Landon does too, he said he'd be the same way if he was a stay at home dad and didn't get to leave for work and take a break.  
It's difficult living with this because nobody understands unless they've felt it.  They look at you like you're stupid because what do you have to be depressed about...well nothing, you think I don't know that?! I already feel horrible that I feel this way, and then people look at me and think that I don't know that I'm blessed.  I know that wholeheartedly.  I ponder on writing this kind of stuff on here but this is part of my life, I want to be authentic, nobody has it together all the time.  I  felt very alone going through this and I don't want anyone else to feel that way.  I know parenting isn't easy but is shouldn't be THAT hard.  At least not until your children are teenagers right. 
 I ask that if you know someone who may be going through it,  take it seriously and take the time to research it a little on your own so you can try to understand what that person who is struggling is going through.  I have a lot of people who love me very much but I had very little support.  Landon 100% was there, he was my rock and he carried me through it (and Jesus too of course).  That's it.  My mom finally came around, she read up on it and I can't tell you how grateful and how loved I felt that she took the time to understand me. It meant so much.  I flat out threw my hands in the air at one point, cried and told people "I need help".........nothing.  They are lucky I'm one who knows when I need help, too many women don't and those are the ones you hear about that drive over cliffs with their babies in the car.  Or maybe they did cry out for help and nobody listened.  I feel for them.  Don't get me wrong, mine was never that severe, I never wanted to hurt me or my babies, I just wanted to run away and take a Florida preferably.  You could ask Landon, he'd tell you that if I did disappear the first place he would have looked would have been Florida.  Ha Ha!  
It wasn't just me that came around it was my Hason too.  Overnight almost he became so much more content, happy and not to mention got on a schedule and slept kind of a baby!!! My sister had been in Amarillo for two weeks and when she got back she even said he was completely different...even his cry had longer the brain rattling scream it used to be ha!  I could throw away my ear plugs now! Yes I bought ear plugs. 

Now I can move on to fully enjoying my sweet boy and can I just say that 6 months is my FAVORITE age of all!!! I am sooo looking forward too the next couple of years.  So far 6 months to 3 years is my favorite time in their little lives.  Of course I love and enjoy Brielle at the age too but there is just something about infants and toddlers that makes my heart just want to explode.  I always said those were the sweetest years of my life, when Brielle was real little and I'm so blessed to get to live it all over again with Hason one more time.  I'm so excited...SO EXCITED!!!  

Hason you are 6 months old...what are you up to!
*you weigh 19lbs 14oz...almost the big 2 0! 85th are starting to drop off, I just want you to get more rolly!
*Can't remember how long you are but you are in the 85th percentile for that too
*your head is in the 95th percentile lol! Wonder who ya get that from
*You are still in size 3 diapers
*you put yourself to sleep (fabulous!) And you have almost completely stopped using the paci except for in your car seat.
*you are on a schedule!!!! you nap from 11 to 1 most days then again from 4 to 6.  Bedtime at 8 and you normally wake at 8:30 with two feedings in between, one at 2am and one at 5.  Daddy takes one and I take the other. We are about to do away with that 5 am one :)
*you can pass an item from one hand to the other
*You are getting a tooth! and the dr said the other isn't far behind..we can't quite see it but you were gnawing on my finger the other day and I sure felt it!
*You nurse pretty well for this age of distractions and curiosity, better than your sister did at this age
*You are very grabby and QUICK! If you see someone set something down next to you..normally a plate of food you will launch yourself forward and normally get it! We are gonna have to watch out for you mister!
*you have hit the stage where you don't like to be left alone and get upset when I walk away, I can't carry you all day child :)

The other day I was feeding this little booger and he bit me! OUCH!  I pulled him away and sternly said "NO HASON"  (loud noises typically upset him) Do you know what he did...he looked at me and chuckled with that big old opened mouth smile.  After that I let him have it...with kisses :) mmmm love that boy! Landon and I joke that he is going to be a mess and into everything...who knows but that's just how we feel at the moment.  I'm pretty sure he's gonna drive me nuts and for some reason I'm not going to mind at all :)

My photographer was outta town when Hase turned 6 months old and my sisters camera wasn't working go figure so I made the best of it with my I Phone and picture editing skills...I'm no professional so go easy on me ;)

Everyday I look at him and I'm so thankful for a healthy baby.  What more could you ask for.  I will always be in awe of how a baby is made and how all thee things come together to form such a perfect little person.   I feel like it's such a delicate process how in the world can these cells and other things not get outta place more often.  I don't care if healthy babies are the norm, I think if you have a healthy child it's a miracle.

Beautiful blue eyes like his momma.  I wonder if they will stay that way.  I seem to think they will since I think he resembles me and my daddy more.  Brielle's are almost the exact same color as Landon's.

I hope he likes wearing hats since bows are not an option.

Hason had his first real solids!  We tried avocado first.  It took Brielle a while to come around to liking avocado but he seemed ok with it :)

I also froze some squash since he is getting in a tooth and put it in this new contraption I found!  

I didn't remember these with B!

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